Blog Post

THE LIGHT BULB MOMENT

Wendelien McNicoll • Nov 21, 2019

The story of our journey to publishing this book

A Tiny Seed

It was an off-the-cuff remark my mother made in the spring 2011, “if only I had known that what I experienced after the death of your father, was normal, I would not have felt so alone, so isolated and fearing I was developing Alzheimer’s because I couldn’t concentrate or remember properly”.

An Idea Rooted

It got me thinking and wondering how bereaved people can be helped to find something they could hold on to and not feel so lost and anxious in their grief?

A Sapling Emerged

I shared the idea with Katrina, as we were working together in a hospice bereavement care team at the time. We started brainstorming and scribbling on endless flimsy pieces of paper and backs of envelopes to capture every thought and idea that emerged. In the end it was our clients who were our inspiration. We turned to the words we had heard more than any others, “I feel like I am drowning in a tsunami of grief” and “it feels as if I have been engulfed by the waves of a tsunami”. These are very powerful images which have burned themselves into many people’s consciousness following the tragic tsunami on Boxing Day in 2004 and subsequently in Japan in 2011. We have not chosen this metaphor lightly or without forethought, but because of a tsunami’s ability to change people’s lives so radically as well as the physical and emotional courage it takes to learn to live within the aftermath.

Tiny Branches Grew

We realised that the different moments of a tsunami and the devastation afterwards correspond very well to different aspects of grief and so our metaphor was born.

We know the bereaved recognise and often link their grief to the impact they feel a tsunami has. The way it arrives unbidden and their lack of choice in that is so difficult. It can feel like raw pain, something which rips the heart out of them, engulfs them, spits them out and forces them find a way through the debris without having any tools to do so. They also realise that in the end, they must somehow find a way forward towards a new normal which is never going to be the same again, even when they didn’t choose or want this new life.

Leaves Appeared

We now had to translate our idea into something which visually spoke to people about their experiences of grief. We knew what we wanted to achieve but not exactly how to do it. We experimented with all sorts of ideas and creative ways of bringing those ideas to life but in the end, nature took its course, as is often the way. I broke my upper arm and was unable to drive to work. I could, however, sit behind my computer and hunt for illustrators. After five weeks I had my favourite top ten including my favourite. I sent them over to Katrina, and this is the magic of how our book has evolved, she too picked Ruth Thorp as her top choice. We contacted Ruth, drove to Bath to meet her and she instinctively understood how to translate our ideas into a visual guide to grief and the rest is history! Ruth held our mission and our vision of creating a book which would bring comfort, understanding and ultimately, hope to those who are grieving wherever they are in their journey. She also grasped the importance of helping the bereaved to feel more understood. It was always our guiding point, that should someone only look at the illustrations they would see their grief reflected and she has brought that idea into reality.

The Trunk Grew Strong

In our long experience of counselling the bereaved, we have came to realise that there are many common themes and experiences which isolate the bereaved. They themselves often do not realise that others have felt the same way. How important it is then to incorporate their individual voices for the collective good. Their words speak the thoughts and emotions experienced by many people across years and they needed to grace the pages and reflect the illustrations. Their oral wisdom has helped create the trunk of this book which was slowly growing towards the light. The shape of grief is always different for each person and the wide and varied ways in which people grieve are often not talked about. Like the rings of age on a trunk which are only revealed when cut through, so the words of grief reveal the whole story in our book.

Light Upon The Tree

As counsellors, we know how to hold grief, how to sit with the things that cannot be spoken and how to help guide people to find comfort but designers we are not! There needed to be someone to shine a light on the overall look of the book and that was way above our capabilities. Katrina’s son, Jonathan Taee took on this task without realising just what a long and extensive job it would turn out to be. He has been our technical wizard and the voice of common sense. We could never have achieved this beautiful looking book without his guidance and expertise, and we thank him from the bottom of our hearts. As an author himself, he was able to provide us with the finished product. We owe him and our wider families for their unending support and encouragement throughout this project.

The Tree

The tree is now firmly rooted and growing into what it will become. The learning curve has been so steep and of course, we are now excited to be selling our book, marketing it, making people aware of it and sharing it through talks on bereavement and/or workshops. We think of ourselves as facilitators on this most difficult of journeys, which the bereaved must endure and move through. We sincerely hope that those who find themselves in the midst of a tsunami of grief, as well as their friends and family, will rest against the trunk of this tree, which has grown slowly from a seed of an idea, and will find comfort inside the pages of our book. We truly thank all the bereaved voices we had the honour and privilege to hear and accompany on their own paths towards a more peaceful way of living with their own grief. Thank you all.

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