SURVIVING THE TSUNAMI OF GRIEF
By Katrina Taee and Wendelien McNicoll
Blog Post

THE PROBLEM WITH UNEXPECTED TRIGGERS OF GRIEF

Katrina Taee • Feb 02, 2020

There are many ways of being triggered in your grief, it often takes us by surprise.

A few months after my father died, I needed some groceries so I popped into my local supermarket.  I was feeling alright until the lady at the checkout asked me how my day was going.  With no warning whatever, a huge wave of grief came over me and I burst into tears and mumbled, "my father died".  I give her much credit for looking me straight in the eye and saying that she was so very sorry and she hoped I would be OK.  Mercifully, I made my escape quickly and sat sobbing in the car.
  
That is the thing about grief.  You never know when it will hit you.  It can lead us to feel afraid to go out some days because it can be embarrassing to breakdown in public or at work. There is always a trigger.  Music is a big trigger for many people.  Songs on the radio which come on when we are driving or browsing in a shop, then a meaningful song you both loved, comes over the sound system.  Someone once told me that they were sitting on a plane waiting for it to take off and she was undone by Angels by Robbie Williams.

Other triggers which I have come across are bank cash machines where they used to get cash together, driving down a road familiar to both of them, a car the same colour and make as the loved one's, the whiff of a perfume she used to wear, a film they both enjoyed, hearing someone say something the loved one used to say, a beautiful flower or a TV programme.  It can be absolutely anything at all.  All the senses are involved in being triggered.  Smells, taste, touch, hearing and sight of course.  They can be a reaction to a sensory experience.

Triggers, upsetting as they may be, are a normal part of grieving.  Over time the rawness of them dissipates and although we may still be triggered years later it remains a strong connection to the person who has died.
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